🎭 When the Wheels Come Off: A Mediation Attempt with Rosie & Bertie Bea

By Stan Cromlish — Wandering Gypsy RV Life

Some people spend their afternoons enjoying a quiet cup of coffee.

Others find themselves refereeing emotionally charged arguments between a 36-foot Tiffin motorhome and the Chevrolet tow car that drags them all over America.

Guess which category I fell into today? Yeah, refereeing Rosie & Bertie Bea!

The Parking Lot Showdown

The sun hadn’t even hit the top of the trees at Kick Back Ranch when Rosie rolled up to Bertie Bea with more attitude than a barrel racer late for her run.

Rosie:

“Well, look who’s polishing her mirrors like she’s the Queen of Ocean Lakes.”

Bertie Bea:

“I am simply maintaining my appearance. Unlike some vehicles, I have a reputation to uphold.”

Rosie revved her engine in offense.

Rosie:

“Oh please, Your Majesty. You get a little sideswipe and suddenly you’re the tragic heroine of the Wandering Gypsy RV Life. Meanwhile, I’m the one hauling Stan to every grocery store, fish market, and taco stand this side of the Mississippi!”

Bertie Bea:

“I provide luxury accommodations, climate-controlled comfort, and the dignity of a proper home on wheels.”

Rosie:

“Yeah? And I provide turning radius, fuel efficiency, and the ability to park without requiring a Top Gun landing instructor!”

This is where I, foolishly, decided to intervene.

My Intervention (Failed Epically)

Me, stepping in like I’ve got control of this circus:

“Okay, girls, listen, we’re all part of the same team. We travel together. We explore together. We…”

Rosie:

“Team? TEAM? Stan, she referred to herself as the ‘star’ of the Wandering Gypsy RV Life. I’m the one doing the WORK.”

Bertie Bea:

“Oh, here we go…”

Rosie:

“And you’re over there posting on Facebook like you’re doing Shakespeare in the Park!”

Bertie Bea:

“I simply stated facts. The people enjoy my presence.”

Rosie:

“People also enjoy functioning slide-outs, but you didn’t see me bragging when that happened!”

The argument devolved into a cacophony of headlight flickering, door-click muttering, and more dramatic revving than a Fast & Furious audition.

I tried again.

“Ladies, please… let’s use our kind voices.”

They ignored me like I was a traffic cone in a Walmart parking lot.

This was officially above my pay grade.

Escalation to Management (Mama Sandra)

Every RV owner knows:

When chaos hits DEFCON 1… you call Management.

Six hours later, Management arrived with her no-nonsense tone locked and loaded.

Management:

After a long drive to Kick Back Ranch, Management said, “Alright, what’s all this ruckus? I could hear you two in North Carolina. Stan, move.”

I stepped aside. I know better.

Management (to Rosie):

“Did you call me again to file a complaint?”

Rosie:

“Yes, ma’am. Respectfully.”

Management (to Bertie Bea):

“And you… you know better than to flaunt yourself like you’re the only thing keeping this brand running.”

Bertie Bea:

“Management, I simply shared my experience.”

Management raised an eyebrow, the same eyebrow that once ended arguments between my little brother and me before they even started.

Management:

“Enough. You’re both essential. Bertie Bea, you’re the home. Rosie, you’re the freedom. Stan would be lost without either of you. Now shake bumpers and behave.”

Rosie sighed.

Bertie Bea flicked her headlights apologetically.

Peace was restored, at least until the next social media post.

Final Thoughts

What did I learn today?

• My motorhome and my tow car both have bigger personalities than most people I know including me.
• I am wildly unqualified to mediate between them.
• Management is the only authority either of them respects.

And honestly?

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

After all…

In the Wandering Gypsy RV Life…

the rigs have just as much story to tell as the traveler.